Thank you and goodnight.

Today I did something that my future self will thank me for; I told my boyfriend that our relationship was over and I meant it.
I am no longer happy.
I don't recognize myself anymore.
I don't like what I've become.
He doesn't like me.
I don't like him.
It's time to call it a day.
He told too many lies in too short a time, and whether I am able to forgive him or not is irreverent if he is not willing to take responsibility of his part in my reaction to him and the way things have turned out.
That's fine.
You win.
You were right; everything comes to an end.
I am just like all the other girls.
It's me not you.
I thought that you and I would be very happy for a long time, and if things had turned out differently then we might have been.
Things were not different.
It is what it is.
You told me once that you wanted to experience everything, 'it might be the best thing ever', but you never really experience me and I never really experience you.
That makes me sad.
I feel sorry for us both.
What we want is too difference.
What we need is not the same.
What we are prepared to give is not equal.
The relationship is at a point where it is going to be difficult to look back upon it fondly, and it is only going to get worse.
None of this would be happening if you and I were right for each other and now, finally, its time to start listening to the alarm bells.
Perhaps at some point in the future we can be friends again but too much water has passed underneath the burnt bridges, and like our relationship, I doubt either of us wanting that enough to make it work.

Anything But The Truth...So Help Me God.

So I had kept a diary for as long as I could remember... but now I don't. I think much of this has to do with the realization that someone will ultimately end up reading it.

"Why don't you write an edited version?" I hear you say... well then what would be the point? I know that there are some people that I wouldn't mind reading my diary... well, maybe one person, but that would mean I would never be able to write anything (positive or negative) about them in the 'full version' so it would in itself be edited.

I have been blogging in secret. "Why do you blog in secret?" ...because if I knew that there was any chance of someone I know reading my words I would be forced to censor myself,  and then what would be the point.

I find this cathartic, but I still don't have the guts to write like I would in my diary. Maybe if I did write with complete honestly I would get a readership... dare I tell the truth?