These are a few of my favorite things,

Hats, scarves, Makers Mark,
Malteasers, cynicism, music, art,
The full moon, the sunshine, religion, cars,
Rainbows, rivers, kisses, stars,
Sparkles, magik, faerie wings...
These are a few of my favorite things.

Come on America, Dont be Dicks

USA election 2012...

Django Oh No!!

Quite possibly the most disappointing thing I've seen at Brixton Academy. Please note that this was posted 12mins after they had come off stage.

The group were clearly overwhelmed by the magnitude of the O2 Academy and making an attempt to overcome this, managed to playing their instruments to death - rather than letting the sound man do his job. This made them sounded like a group of angry teenagers trying to make a point by thrashing the hell out of their instruments. While the group did their best to make as much noise as possible, murdering almost ever track on the self-titled Mercury Prize nominated album, credit where credit's due, the requiem was at least played out in tune.

Please note: this was not the WORST thing I've ever seen at Brixton, but it was the most disappointing. Fantastic album, yet to prove themselves live.

The Price of Happiness.

Ignorance IS bliss

To learn is for the pleasure, 
Knowledge is an art,
Paranoia, guilt and shame,
The burden of being smart.

Can you make magic?

The times they are a-changing.

I've just seen a pair of 'Mr and Mr' matching coffee mugs for sale in the Christian book shop in Brixton... Guess we have come a long way since I was last at Church!!

For Book's Sake.

So after staring hopelessly at my bookshelf for 10 minutes I have decided that there are only 2 possible conclusions:

1) I do not/no longer have the book I am looking for.
2) I really need to start wearing my glasses more.

The difficulty with English...

Who cares if you can't dance?

"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane,
by those who could not hear the music!" - Friedrich Nietzsche

In Loving Memory of Tony Blair.

So a bust is to be made in 'honour' of Tony Blair, but no artist has yet stepped forward to make the piece.. I would like to see Damien Hirst step forward and use Mr Blairs actual head, dissect it and preserve it formaldehyde... That would truly be an honour to his greatness.

The World I Live In...

I made two observations this weekend about the world in which I live:

1)  I know more men who are feminists than I do women,

2) Women have bigger balls than men.

I'm not sure how I feel about this subversion of standards. I will ponder this and no doubt blog in more depth at a later date.

Parents

The difference between Mum and Dad:

If I throw my mother a rope she will let me pull her to shore.

If I throw my Father a rope he will assume I want him to hang himself.

It depends what one does with it...

I think that quite by accident,
And unintentionally,
I've swallowed fragments of your soul,
As you a piece of me.

50 Shades... The Reprieve.

Well... as much as I think you shouldn't have to work at a good read, I also think that one should admit when they have been wrong. With some persistence, I have eventually succumb to the charms of The Talented Mr Grey.

I felt that I would be doing myself a bit of an injustice if I did not at least have a look and see if the 'juicy bits' were worthy of all the fuss... and so I read on. On my way to the main event I almost declared myself a feminist, as I found her adorning attitude towards him oppressive in itself. 'It makes the bible look like it has an open minded attitude to women.' - a quote that a certain man took as a recommendation.

Anyways... although the writing is a bit crappy, the vocabulary is lacking, and the sex scenes do make the eyes roll (but not in a good way), I have, in the end, fallen for Christian Grey. Trust me, no one is more shocked and appalled than me! He is a complex and interesting character and despite her innocence she holds her own. There are a few nice moments, for example, there is a moment when she describes someone as having 'Pre-Raphaelite Hair' and I am reminded of The Lady of Shallot. These moments are few. The email exchanges that they share are amusing, I hope that there is more of this to come. Its looking like I am going to have to read the next two. I was also interested to discover that Anastasia means 'resurrection/breaker of chains', which could suggest a biblical subtext, his name being Christian and all... I'm not sure if that is a little bit too tenuous a link. I doubt their names are coincidental.

I get the attraction. Everyone woman want to think they could tame a wild beast... in some ways it reads very much like a fairytale with his perfect teeth, substantial bank balance, his perfect proportions... not to mention his, interesting shall we say, attitude towards sex. Does he have any redeeming features that would make me want to consider taking up his offer? Not really. Would I be tempted to spend a dirty weekend with Christian Grey... abso-fucking-lutely!  

I know that this book has divided people all over the place... but the next person who slates it, I will be asking: 'Have you actually read it?' 

On life...

Life is short & long is art
An old soul with a young heart
Fire & water, earth & air
Old enough to know better
Young enough not to care.

Something smelly this way comes...

There is something to be said for the benefits of not stopping smoking. Most important and relevant to me at the present time is the use of public transport in London. After a wasted journey to HR, which upon arrival I discovered that my proof of address was not appropriate, (argument for not pay all my bills online) while taking the number 18 bus from Euston I notice the scent of one of my fellow passengers. I suspected that he, I imagine it was a he, was sat almost directly behind me. The smell was unlike the heavily applied cologne or cooked food, or body odour that would usually get my goat and give me something to gripe about, nor was it the all to frequent musk of flatulence which I always feel is forgivable as when the shoe is on the other foot I feel a secret sense of satisfaction after silently letting one rip in public. No this smell was much worse. It was deeper and engrained in the fabric of his being. It was the smell usually only associated with pound coins and mechanics, or even scrap merchants. Ground in dirt. The smell of a tough days work. I knew without looking that this was not the smell of hard graft. It was the smell of sleeping on your mates sofa, putting on unwashed clothes, for rinsing your hair with water until it starts to clean itself, of going to bed when the sun comes up, and getting the bus home while everyone else is at work. I couldn’t help but think that if I still smoked I wouldn’t be able to smell my fellow passenger or that if he smoked he would certainly smell better. Focusing on the stench of muck was turning my belly so I let my mind wonder on to other things. I remembered an interesting fact: that an indicator of an individuals state of mental health is their level of personal hygiene as this is one of the first things to go. I felt bad for judging this person who I had still not turned around to see. I wondered if I had ever smelled like that.

Sorry Mr Grey, unless your name is Dorian, I'm just not interested.

Today I re-learned something that I've known for a while - Always trust my gut instincts. 

I took an almost instant dislike to a book that my friend was reading. My dislike for this book was based on nothing except an instinctual 'knowing' that I would not like the text. However, despite my better judgement I promised my friend that I would give it a go. As she pointed out, "how can you really know until you've read it?" .... Well it turns out, sometimes you just know. I struggled through the first 20 pages determined that I would break through, suspend my believe, and get some pleasure from my purchase. At page 50 (which I think is a fair enough 'go' at anything)... I walked over to the recycling bin and placed the book inside along with all the other stuff which is of more value to someone else. The writing is crappy, the plot is tenuous, and the characters are completely unenthralling - if not rather annoying. No this book is just not for me.

Don't let me put you off, I encourage you to go and find out for yourself. If you can see what all the fuss is about please, I would be interested to hear your view... but for now, all I have to say is "Sorry Mr Grey, unless your name is Dorian, I'm just not interested"

50 Shades of Grey - E. L James

Not recommended.

An analogy...

It's the moment at the party when the drugs wear off,

As you look back at the amazing time you had,

There is no way of knowing how much of it was real,

If what was real for you was real for the other person,

Could they make out when you were playing the game?

When the drugs wear off at the party reality hits,

Nothing has been lost but a couple of hours,

Time enjoyed wasting isn't wasted time, 

I was high off of this man for over a year!

The light are turned on. It is time to go home.

Today is...

Today is July 6th.
It is the day that John Lennon and Paul McCartney first met.
Louis Armstrong died 41 years ago today.
Today George W Bush and Sylvester Stallone both turn 66 years old.
I will be 28.
But most importantly.... It is National Kissing Day!! xxx

Race for Life

Well, it has been emotional - far more emotional that I had anticipated if I’m honest. I think that I had been focusing so much on the 10k part of the day, that when I arrived at Blackheath and saw 1000 of women in a sea of pink, wearing the names of loved ones lost, t-shirts with tributes to grandparents, friends, mum’s, dad’s, children… the reality of the days events really hit home. Needless to say I cried at various points along the course. Most of all I think at the 8km marker as I passed a lady who was wearing a t-shirt with a picture of her daughter which said: 

‘For Maisey -  because today you would have been 13!’

I completed the course in 1hour 3minutes and 6seconds. I really am thrilled with that time. Thank you for all your support and sponsorship! I would definitely recommend the race for life and I will definitely be doing it again.

Thank you and goodnight.

Today I did something that my future self will thank me for; I told my boyfriend that our relationship was over and I meant it.
I am no longer happy.
I don't recognize myself anymore.
I don't like what I've become.
He doesn't like me.
I don't like him.
It's time to call it a day.
He told too many lies in too short a time, and whether I am able to forgive him or not is irreverent if he is not willing to take responsibility of his part in my reaction to him and the way things have turned out.
That's fine.
You win.
You were right; everything comes to an end.
I am just like all the other girls.
It's me not you.
I thought that you and I would be very happy for a long time, and if things had turned out differently then we might have been.
Things were not different.
It is what it is.
You told me once that you wanted to experience everything, 'it might be the best thing ever', but you never really experience me and I never really experience you.
That makes me sad.
I feel sorry for us both.
What we want is too difference.
What we need is not the same.
What we are prepared to give is not equal.
The relationship is at a point where it is going to be difficult to look back upon it fondly, and it is only going to get worse.
None of this would be happening if you and I were right for each other and now, finally, its time to start listening to the alarm bells.
Perhaps at some point in the future we can be friends again but too much water has passed underneath the burnt bridges, and like our relationship, I doubt either of us wanting that enough to make it work.

Anything But The Truth...So Help Me God.

So I had kept a diary for as long as I could remember... but now I don't. I think much of this has to do with the realization that someone will ultimately end up reading it.

"Why don't you write an edited version?" I hear you say... well then what would be the point? I know that there are some people that I wouldn't mind reading my diary... well, maybe one person, but that would mean I would never be able to write anything (positive or negative) about them in the 'full version' so it would in itself be edited.

I have been blogging in secret. "Why do you blog in secret?" ...because if I knew that there was any chance of someone I know reading my words I would be forced to censor myself,  and then what would be the point.

I find this cathartic, but I still don't have the guts to write like I would in my diary. Maybe if I did write with complete honestly I would get a readership... dare I tell the truth?

How to be a Woman...?

Caitlin Moran's 'How to be a Woman' ...

I was recommended this book by a man I know.

"What a great pick up line!" my friend tells me. Which, upon realising this I made the extra effort to make sure actually I read it.

How to be a Woman, is a great easy read. It is funny, insightful. I learned some interesting facts about feminism. Caitlin Moran has had a colourful life and so this book feels as much, if not more, like an autobiography than an instruction manual to womanhood. I felt that I could really identify with the growing pangs that she described; teenage sexualisation, strip clubs, sexism and crappy relationships... There was much of the book that was foreign to me, not in a bad way, in a new and novel way... By the time Ms Moran was my age she was married with 2 children, and had a miscarriage and an abortion under her belt, not to mention had established her career...

At 27, on the cusp of 28, it feels like don't have that much to show for my time here on earth except some amusing stories (and some rather blurry memories). I am still establishing my career, which at best I am 4 years off  reaching (at worst this could be as much as 7 or 9 years, but lets look on the bright side for now)...
I am unmarried.
I have no children.
I have never been pregnant.
I am still a student.
I am (currently and technically) an unskilled, worker.
I am not 'THERE' yet. (where ever ‘THERE’ may be).

All this said; do I feel that I can do a better job of being a woman now that I have read Moran's book? Put Simply: No.

Would I now describe myself as a feminist? No.

Although I do feel better educated in the history of feminism, Moran gives the definition of feminism as answering yes to the following questions
"1) do you have a vagina?" and
"2) do you want to be in charge of what happens to it?"

You see, I don’t think that having a vagina is a necessary condition of being feminist, nor is it sufficient. I personally know more male feminist than I do females ones. Gosh, some of the feMANists I know actually put me off the idea of feminism... They try so hard to show that they strive for equality for woman, there is an air of emasculation that, if I'm honest, makes me feel uncomfortable with the whole concept.

No, I shall continue to consider myself a post-feminist. I am glad that the 70's happened, that we have the vote and that we can aspire to be more than a housewife, mill worker or (at best) a secretary. Thank you to the sisterhood! But it is now 2012, no one will take my vote away, I can do and be whatever I set my equally-sized-although-predominately-right-dominated mind to... Come on sisters! Let’s start getting on with it! What I'm really talking about as a post-feminist is, taking the best bits of the suffragette movement and combining it with a hint of chivalry. I will not burn my bra - quite frankly my boobs look better in one! ... Sorry I digress. Caitlin Moran is not endorsing the burning of the bra. I just am not convinced of her brand of feminism....I still did really enjoy, and definitely would recommend the book.

No Man Will Every Love You, Like I Do

This man has an amazing voice.

Raghu Dixit - No Man Will Ever Love You, Like I do.

He has so much passion in his voice.

I met my boyfriend one year ago today and there is no way he loves me in the same was as this guy loves... I know this for a fact for a number of reasons:

1) If I ended up in a wheelchair tomorrow I don't think he would still want to be my boyfriend.

Even though I know he loves me. And that although he thinks I'm beautiful. And what he loves most about me is my intelligence... I still feel that there are conditions on our love. That I am not the be all and end all. Than I am not quite what he is after. I still get the impression that if I wasn't his girlfriend, someone else would do. But that I will do, (for now).

2) I have still not met his family.

Even though they live in a different country, the technology exists that an informal introduction could have been made by now. He tells me that they know all about me, but I still feel invisible in him life. We spent Christmas with my family, it was in fact the first time in my life I have had a boyfriend around for Christmas day. The reason I let him spend Christmas with my family is that I wanted to show him off... nuff said.

3) When he goes away on business he doesn't return my calls.

Now I'm not saying that I'm calling every 20mins and being a mental bitch down the phone, but usual patterns of behaviour are disrupted when he is away. For example I will call him (out-of-office-hours) and he will reject my call and turn his phone off. This he never usually does, if I call and its inconvenient then he will either answer or text to let me know when it is convenient.

4) In the last year, he has compromised once.

I am in part to blame for this. I haven't compromised much  more. Both he and I are so adamant in what we will and will not accept, I think often we managed to forget that there are two of us in this relationship. 9/10 times this is not a problem as we genuinely want the same thing, however it its the 1/10 times when we reach a loggerhead, lock horns and both refuse to budge.

5) He still feels that I will judge him for the mistakes of his past.

I know this for a fact as there is much of his back story that he still refuses to discuss with me. What he seems to have forgotten is that aside from my natural curiosity, my other default mechanise is to think and over think things. If one is inhibited then the other kicks in 10 fold. What I suspect is that he cheated on he ex-wife (although I think that was probably a consequence of their failing marriage not a cause of it) and then I suspect that he other long term girlfriend (and maybe the nameless woman in question) cheated on him. This is not entirely speculation, I have drawn upon various evidence that he has 'let slip'. What he doesn't realise is that in spite of this back story I love him just the same.

The Last Night

I have just finished my last ever night shift. I am fortunate in so far as, that on a night shift, everyone is asleep and I am charged with the job of keeping-an-eye-on-things until the morning staff arrive and the real work gets done.

I don't work many night shifts. The area of the NHS that I work in requires us to work only 3 night shifts a month. I see night shifts as a welcome novelty. 10 hours piece and quiet without anyone (colleagues or patients) breathing down my neck and generally getting on my nerves.

Things I will miss about night shifts.

1) Listening to LBC 97.3.
2) Drinking Lucozade.
3) Eating (NHS) Corn Flakes for breakfast.
4) Having time to think.
5) Being free to research the internet.
6) Sleeping all day.

Things I will not miss about night shifts.


1) Not being able to get Radio4 on the work computers. The iPlayer doesn't load.
2) Forgetting that I need to drink water and ending up dehydrated with painful kidneys.
3) Sleeping through lunch.
4) Having too much time to think.
5) Having the time (and the inclination) to Google people.

Would Someone Like To Pop My Cherry... Please!?

Would someone like to pop my cherry?

I've been blogging on and off for the past couple of months, with various degrees of interest and intensity. I do hope to become more regular once I've gotten into the swing of things....

People are looking at my posts - my stats are telling me so! I just wish someone would comment on something that I've said....

I hereby cordially invite you, dear reader, to take my blog virginity and be the first to say something on my page.

Let’s get the ball rolling. I feel like a mad woman talking to myself.

One Dance Just Won't Do

This is what I am listening today.

Audrey Hall - One Dance.

"I just wanted to see what he would do if I danced with another man,

I was flirting with you,

Just to see what he would do-oo"

I think every girl has done this in some form or another. Maybe talked a little bit longer than is polite to the hot boy at a party, laughed heartily at someones jokes or literally danced with another man just to see what there boyfriend would have to say....

Now this can, (and has) backfired on me before...

Possible scenarios include:

1) My boyfriend starts a fight with the man in question.

This has happened to me. It was very embarrassing for everyone involved.

2) My boyfriend plays me at my own game.

I have been so involved in trying to make my boyfriend jealous that I have failed to notice him making his moves on a hot young chick at he party.

3) My boyfriend makes an effort to have a dance with me.

This is always a positive outcome, no matter how badly he dances when he is drunk.

I'd be interested to hear any stories you have on  similar theme.

Social Experiment

Is it wrong, and I suspect it is, that sometimes, just for fun, I want to shout 'Goodbye cruel world!!' as the tube approaches the platform?

Now let me be clear, I HAVE NO DESIRE TO END MY OWN LIFE. Those feelings wore off with puberty, which coincidentally (or not) was also around the time a stopped binge drinking, quit smoking weed and said goodbye to psychedelic drugs...

What I am insanely curious about is how my fellow commuters would react... Call it a social experiment. 

Man of Simple Pleasures

This is what I am listening to today...

Man of Simple Pleasures - Kasabian 

Love it!

Unfortunately I won't be seeing them at the Reading Festival 2012 in August as my day tickets is for Sunday...

Bring on the Foo Fighters!!

The Truth

No body ever changes, ..they just eventually show you what they are really like.

Heartbreak Proof Mascara

Not that I'm one for plugging or advertising...
Neither I am a particularly girly-girl...
Nor do I have a significant preoccupation with make-up and fashion... but I think I've found the best Mascara ever!! - It's that good I've even been dreaming about it!!!

Maybelline's Volum' Express - The Falsies!

Doesn't clog,
Doesn't bleed,
I broke up with my boyfriend recently, and after sobbing for hours it still looked fab!!